I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
