Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
