I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
