I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize