it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
