I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
