2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
