I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
