just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
