Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
