he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
