There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
