Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
