i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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