while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
