yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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