A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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