Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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