why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He did a backflip because drugs
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