you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
