i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
