You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
