I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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