Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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