Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
