the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
