you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
