U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
