I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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