Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
