What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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