I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
