She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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