Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
