This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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