I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
