We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
