There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
