We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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