I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
