how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
