just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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