I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
