i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
