his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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