I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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