My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
