apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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