Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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