and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
