He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize