why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
