forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
