They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
