We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
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I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need a beard to bite.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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