If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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