Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
