Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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