The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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