i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
