Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
