Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
